What's Wrong With This Fic?
by Zenith the Hedgehog
Summary: The canon characters will stop at nothing to take back their plot.


The pack of freaks frolicking in the distance as I sat on a makeshift table stretching five meters from me to them, that somehow provided enough support for Tostitos and dips, I reached into the bag every few seconds but didn't bother to touch the jar. Not understanding the occasion, I kept my mouth shut, scarfing down the whole bag of tortilla chips that seemed too wide to "open mouth, insert foot" anymore. Yes, this was my idea of having fun. I didn't plan on actually talking to anyone until _he_ showed up behind me, his foot tapping impatiently.

"What are YOU doing here?" inquired the so-called birthday boy, a hedgehog of that famous cobalt hue.

"This party is open invitation. Duh." Actually I had no clue if it was. I just wanted to hang with some cool dudes and dudettes, see if they matched any of _my_ interests, which they probably didn't, but it was worth a shot. "So what kind of music do you listen to?"

"Music?" His left ear twitched.

"Yeah. Last I checked, Eggman had music outlawed around here."

"But how do you know all that?" he questioned. "You know what, never mind that. Forget this. I bet you didn't get me a birthday present, either."

"Actually, I did." I did a quick turnaround so I could toss him the wrapped box in which it was concealed. And to think I wasn't a wrapper... clearly. "Happy birthday, Sonic."

"I'm probably not gonna accept this," he mumbled.

I slid the bag of tortilla chips to the other end of the table, where everyone else was hanging out. As soon as I could hear him back there chatting with his friends again, I turned back to face the horizon, snapped back into antisocial mode, and kept my mouth shut, secretly pulling out a new bag of tortilla chips that seemed too wide to "open mouth, insert foot" anymore. Yes, this was my idea of having fun. I didn't plan on actually talking to anyone else until _he_ showed up behind me, his foot tapping impatiently.

"What are YOU doing here?" inquired the crimson fiend that looked and sounded like Sonic's bodyguard.

"I don't know. I wanted to hang with new fr - people, and I heard there was an open invitation party going on here for someone's ann - birthday..."

The echidna folded his arms and eyed me suspiciously. "So why are you sitting way back here, then?"

I told him. "Amy kicked me out of your end of this table."

After five more seconds of looking at me as if I was a freak, he went on, "Don't you think that says something, kid?"

"I don't know... maybe they're very bust with secret stuff at the moment and don't have time to chat with me..."

"It means we want you out of our party. Now." He pointed in a seemingly random direction, devoid of any sense.

"I'm not bothering you. What am I doing that is so taboo in your society?"

He scratched his forehead. "I don't know if you noticed by now, but this is a _private_ party..."

I held up the flyer as a falsifying proof. "Your argument is invalid." He just stood there, his arm still up. "Fine. Take my Tostitos." I handed him the bag, got up, and proceeded to walk away. "I'll leave you alone, you and all your friends - and I mean ALL your friends - leave me alone. Got it?"

The echidna finally settled his arm down, but still stood there for the longest time without showing any indication or acknowledgement of my deal, even a slight head gesture, before finally strolling back to the party area. As soon as I could hear him back there chatting with his friends again, I sat down against a tree just to make sure those freaks wouldn't notice me anytime soon, faced the horizon, snapped back into antisocial mode, and kept my mouth shut, secretly pulling out a new bag of tortilla chips that seemed too wide to "open mouth, insert foot" anymore. Yes, this was my idea of having fun. I didn't plan on actually talking to anyone else until _she_ showed up behind me, her foot tapping impatiently.

"What are YOU doing here?" inquired the Bat Girl, possibly a Saints fan.

I just ignored her. I'd just made a fairly reasonable deal with those freaks who actually participated in the party, and she apparently rejected it. By that point I was prepared to show her up after that stunt. I was just waiting for her to bark, "You better be sick, dead, or mute, A-A-Ron." Instead she started kicking me lightly in all parts, waving me back and forth with her foot, obviously trying to get my attention.

I finally gave in. "I tried to be nice to you. I tried to be reasonable with you. What more do you want?"

She folded her arms at that remark. "Seriously, there's a reason we made it a private party at the last second. It was the imminent fear of _freaks like you_ crashing and totally ruining it for the rest of us."

"I didn't even talk to any of you until Sonic confronted me," I defended.

"It's not my rule, ok?!" She did the facepalm. "We just can't risk it. I'm sorry."

"Whose rule is it anyway?" I inquired.

She sighed. "You'd know it right away if you met him."

I finally gave in. "Fine. Leave me to hide so that you'll never find me."

Still not discouraged (because we all know how antisocial I am) I simply dashed as far away from the pack as I felt necessary. As both the sound and the view of their frolicking waned to a minimum, I ducked quickly, then sat in a field of tall crops, snapped back into antisocial mode, and kept my mouth shut, secretly pulling out my phone, twiddling my thumbs as it searched for my phone service. Yes, this was my idea of having fun. Making sure to make that idea my bottom line for the time being, I constantly jolted my view in all sorts of directions.

"I'm safe," I told myself over and over. And after a while it really seemed to be the case.

Then I leaned slightly to my right, still monitoring my surroundings, when I noticed a black pocket tape recorder in the distance. Its sleek ebony finish attracting me, I casually strolled over to pick it up. The buttons were numerous, the color screen was about the size of that of a classic iPod. The timer on the screen ticked down to three seconds.

"Three seconds to what?" I wondered.

* * *

"My gosh Shadow, you are a genius!"

"Anything for a good friend of mine, eh Knuckles?" remarked the ebony hedgehog to his crimson friend, who was better known for playing for black's cobalt counterpart than himself. He held a single-function remote control device in his left hand. The single function it had was a big button blinking red, signaling that it was ready to use.

Rouge had occupied the seat on the other end of the party table previously occupied by the non-invitee, staring at a would-be explosive scene. "I just can't believe we resorted to this..."

"Yeah, well you didn't have any good ideas," Shadow retorted.

"My ideas were perfect. You turds never listen to me because you're jealous of my jewel hunting skills."

"Right, about that..." Knux started.

A fox of a natural color sporting twin tails chimed in to defend her argument. "You turds seriously picked the lazy way out of this predicament that you call a nuisance?"

"It wasn't our idea," Shadow defended. "The author of this fic made me do it. It's a parody that symbolizes how much we hate fan characters for ruining the plot of any fanfiction. Besides, some mysterious supernatural force gave it to us. Probably the same force that killed Maria..."

"Don't even start," said the fox, already disgusted by the topic of Shadow's human girlfriend.

"Anywho..." interrupted Sonic. "Shadow, are you sure you wanna do this?"

As soon as blue-for-britches requested this confirmation, he pressed his thumb down and locked it in place.

"That oughta do it," he mumbled.

"Pop goes the weasel!" Knuckles chanted.

_KA-BLOOSH!_


End file.
